I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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