Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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