I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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