I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
