Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
