Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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