we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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