It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this just has baby written all over it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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