im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
