No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
