once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
