just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
