New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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