I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
