do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
