There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
