I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
