i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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