He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
