We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
