shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
