every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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