I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
