If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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