and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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