It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
