So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
