the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
