True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
