why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
