Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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