With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
