i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
