I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
