People with herpes should wear stickers.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
soo... how was my night?
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