you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
