she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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