You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
