You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
