im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
