I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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