I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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