shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize