Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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