Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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