I want to stick my p in your. b.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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