So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
