Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
