Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
