did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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