He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
