You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
