3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
