11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Floor bacon is actually really good
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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