I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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