Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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