I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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