You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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