Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
