Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
