Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
