How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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