gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
