yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
