I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
