You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
