CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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