I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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