im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and she was petting her beer can
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
