And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
