i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Randomize
