Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
