Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
