drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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