hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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