K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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