The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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