the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
