He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
