I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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